I drove straight to work from there and pretty much went right into our staff meeting. The meeting was good - an overall average meeting. One of our staff members was sick and another just took an awesome job, so we were down a couple; however, it went well, and we prayed together and discussed what all is heading our way. After the meeting, I went into my office to start work on some things. Except, I went in and hit a block. I sent a couple of emails and then a meeting that I thought was supposed to be at 1:30 arrived at 11:30. I don't know how I had mis-timed it but it happened. Fortunately, I was more or less ready for that meeting. Also, luckily, I was not the only one meeting with her. We had, again, a good meeting. In the midst of this one, though, I felt odd. Misplaced. Confused (perhaps because I had gotten the time wrong). Disconnected. I wasn't really sure what it was, but it bothered me. After that meeting, I made some lunch and returned to my office. It was about then when the lies and frustrations began to really creep into my thoughts. I had no focus on what I needed to do because the lies of my capabilities, competency and direction jumbled in whenever I moved to start really doing something. Throughout this process of little things happening all day, I would speak truth out loud to myself. It wasn't working though. Today, it just wasn't enough to rebuke and move on. They would come back more ferociously.
I heard Holy Spirit whispering to me, "You know what you need. Come to me." My response for quite a while was, however, "I'm at work. I need to get stuff done. I need to steward my time here well." All true statements, or at least close truths. Finally, I couldn't take it any longer; the ware on me had grown physical and I was exhausted. I stopped. I got out my journal and began to put pen to the page:
How fickle I feel today... I know how good you are. I even hear your voice clearly. And yet, I feel under total barrage.
Military. A heavy barrier of artillery fire to protect one's own advancing or retreating troups or to stop the advance of enemy troops. (Dictionary.com)
I went back to work and completed a couple of the items on my to do list for the day that I hadn't done yet, but had been also trying to do all day. It was a little bit easier. Not great, but I then felt competent enough to at least finish those. I took the last couple minutes before I had to leave the office to soak. Literally. I laid on the ground in my office and just let Abba love on me. After a couple of songs, I got up, finished packing up and left for the day.
Like every day when I leave the office, I hit traffic on Church St on my way to 385, and then more traffic on 385. But today, it felt different. I had no agitation for the cars that didn't drive quite as I wanted them to. I didn't even feel like it was as backed up as normal days. I just felt at ease with how things flowed. I made a Starbucks stop to kill time before HHP at City Church and spent it in my Bible study. I had the perfect amount of time to do that before I went to the church. I got to HHP and spoke with a few people and signed up to receive prayer for my ankle, as Holy Spirit had suggested to me earlier in the day to do. When I went in for prayer, the three ladies who prayed for me encouraged my spirit so much. And even better than that, Jesus healed my ankle! The injury similar to one last spring that had taken 8 weeks to heal was healed by the great Healer tonight. He came and loved on me so tenderly. As of now, what had been really decently unbearable is almost 100% and He has told me just to claim the victory. Claim the full healing because He has called it such. There are twinges of pain or discomfort occasionally, but it's so much better.
At any point today, I could have conceded to it being a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. And I wouldn't necessarily have been completely wrong in doing so. But rather, I was able to catch the little golden nuggets that wouldn't have happened if I had. I did oversleep this morning. But was that because it was a set up for a bad day or did my Dad see that I could use some extra sleep and meet me in that place to bless me? As I processed my late wake up this morning, He pointed out that IF He had wanted me awake, He could have awoken me at 5am on His own as He has before, OR He could have turned the sound back on on my phone. Instead, He did wake me up naturally, right at the time I needed to wake up in order to get where I was going on time. From there, the girl I met for breakfast was also late, so my lateness due to traffic and honoring a conversation with another friend was no issue at all. Our staff was able to hear more of each person because we were down two and pray more for the seemingly longer list of prayer requests and praises that we had today. My meeting coming earlier in the day opened the door for the afternoon to be more free and for me to pause to take time with the Lord. And although just breezing through truths was not enough for me today, it positioned me to really take time and receive even greater measures of His love because I had to so intentionally stop for it. And then He blessed me so greatly through healing my ankle tonight.
With heaven's perspective, we can co-labor to see His victory and kindness in every aspect of our lives. Even the days that we could write off as comparable to Alexander and His Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. Why? Because Jesus is always winning. He has already won. And, He's just so kind. He's so full of love. There is no limit to His goodness or His love or His kindness. So in Him, our circumstances always reflect His victory. Somehow. Somewhere. At some time. He has victory in what is happening in your life right now. It's just who He is.
Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.